First Time
by Carla Samojeden
Summary: How Chris and Cathy first time should have been, scene from Dollanganger Saga; Flowers In The Attic.


It was the middle of the night when I woke up. The twins were asleep and so was Chris. Everything was so quiet that I got scared because of the silence, almost as if my brothers were not breathing anymore. I opened my eyes and realized the window was open, wondering who had dared to do it, knowing how dangerous it was.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake anyone. When I closed the window I felt a lump in my throat, almost begging me to leave it opened, to challenge both my mother and my grandmother.

But I knew I could not do as much, as I also knew that I would not be able to sleep again, knowing that each passing day in this attic was another day lost.

For the first time since we entered this little room I sought refuge upstairs, I lit a small candle and took it with me, so I wouldn't run into any toy of the twins.

After the remodeling we had done in the attic you could say it was a "nice" place, or at least it was the only place where I could be alone even a few minutes to drown my sorrows.

I got my head out a small window to feel the autumn breeze on my face, if only to remember that I was still human and I was able to feel something.

It was when I heard footsteps behind me that I gasped before I realized it was my brother.

"What are you doing up here?"

I turned around and the candle illuminated Chris's face, revealing his tired and worried eyes. I didn't want to wake him up but it was too late to think about that because he was watching me, begging for an answer

I tried to sound as calm as possible.

"Catching some fresh air", I said while I closed the small window behind me, "I'll be there in a minute."

Chris knew me so well, he had a sixth sense that helped him realize all my feelings just by looking at me.

"You can't lie to me, Cathy." He whispered. "I know that something is wrong."

What could I tell him he didn't already know? Why should I complain if I was sure he was feeling the same as me? This was a calvary that we both have to bear day by day and pretend everything was fine, as if to live in this attic was healthy, as if all the time we had lost would be able to be recovered.

"I just need to get out of here, I can't stand this anymore" I wiped a tear from my cheeks and my voice cracked. "I try to be strong, for the twins, for you... but this is too much, I can't live like this. _We_ can't live like this." Chris was so quiet I started to feel like I couldn't breathe in that room. "And I'm starting to think mom doesn't even care anymore."

Now Chris looked me in the eyes, I knew he was thinking I was right, I knew that Chris could realize that all of our lives were being wasted up here and that we weren't children anymore. We were _prisoners._ Prisoners from our own family.

"Don't say such things. You know mom is doing the best she can" he tried to sound so sure but deep inside I knew my brother hated her as much as I did. ", we just have to wait a few more months and everything will be fine." Chris stepped toward me and he gently stroked my cheek. "Do you trust me?"

I was alone in the attic with my older brother and I didn't understand why I was feeling so wild, so out of place, so young...He looked me in the eyes like I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life.

"You know I do. I always did and I always will." I muttered. I didn't know why I felt so reckless. "Chris, you are everything I have, I couldn't think of a life without you or without the twins. If we have to find something positive about this torture is that I think we grew stronger up here, we are there for each other no matter what and now..." a painful silence filled the air. ", now I know you love me as much as I do."

Chris took the candle from my hand and left it at a table near us so now I could only feel him under the darkness of the attic; I could sense his skin, I could feel his breath near my face and I almost gasped when his hands started stroking my arms.

"I can't stand when the grandmother tells you aren't perfect, you know?" This was the first time Chris dared to stand so close to me, our noses met in the shadows and our skins were starting to warm up. "She doesn't see you the way I do, because every corner of your body is beautiful and you are so innocent and so pure. I love you as if there were no tomorrow, Cathy Doll."

I couldn't think straight, not with Chris hands caressing my body, not with those blue eyes staring at me like I was a piece of art. I thought this were words that a brother could say to her sister but why I was begging that nobody could hear us? Why we were hidden up here in the attic if what we were saying or doing was perfectly fine?

And that's when I realized it wasn't. Not only because Chris rubbed his lips on mine but because I kissed him desperately, like I couldn't stand the distance between our bodies anymore.

This kiss was everything that I was expecting and even more. Chris lips made me touch the sky, he made me feel so unique, he made me feel loved and that wasn't something easy to find for a girl stuck in some dirty attic.

His hands were exploring every corner of my body, almost as if he was checking that it was true everything he saw when I was naked in the bathroom or just in my nightgown. I laid my hands behind his neck and I started touching his hair while my lips were biting his.

I couldn't breathe, Chris seemed so experienced I was starting to wonder if I really was the first girl she ever kissed.

But I was his sister and we both knew this was a sin.

A damn _exciting_ sin.

"Chris..." I tried to separate our bodies but he seemed determined.", you think God will punish us for doing this?"

I was starting to feel a little guilty but that's when Chris spoke and I never thought I would hear my brother say those kind of words.

"I don't give a damn about God, or mom, or our grandmother!" he raised his voice and I was hoping the twins were still sleeping."Do you think they can lock us here forever? I can't stand being near you without thinking what I'm thinking right now, Cathy. If I cannot be with the person I truly love is it worth believing in a God that would think we are devil spawn, or a sin? " He started walking towards me and in that moment I hit the mattress that was laying in the floor. He gently kissed me as he leaned his body on top of mine." I can only care of what's worthwhile and so far you are what I love most in this life."

His words were so tender yet so hasty.

"You are free to tell me if you want me to stop, little sister" His hands started descending through my body, touching me in little spots I couldn't think anybody will touch in my life. A glowing fire started burning over my body.

I couldn't take my eyes from him, I was hypnotized not only by his kindness but by the way he was caressing me.

"Promise me something. Will you?"

"Anything."

"We will get out of here together. We'll take the twins far away, maybe somewhere warm as Florida, what do you think? We will have good life, you will become a Doctor and I will try to be the best damn dancer of this country. The twins will finish school and they will be happy and they will be able to run free, to play, to have a good childhood without anyone shouting at them or making them obey stupid rules." I hugged my brother really hard, like this was the last night we would be this close together. "Do you think I'm being selfish, Chris? It's so bad I want a normal life for all of us?"

He shook his head and gave me a little kiss on my forehead.

"Just close your eyes and think we are already there, living the life we always wanted." Chris took off his clothes and I did the same thing unhesitatingly, knowing that the man who was laying next to me was the man who loved me most in this world. He started kissing my neck while I tried to catch my breath, starting to realize that he could take me to places I never dared to dream about. He knew me perfectly, he knew all my curves, all my scars and he also knew every mole in my body. I tried to took his pace, feeling his skin ignite with mine. I was so ashamed when he stared at my body, contemplating my figure, and I noticed his eyes burning, full of desire.

Chris made love to me all night long and it was the first time I really felt hopeful in the attic. It was the first time I felt life could be as good as this man loving me the way he did.

And when we finally finished and our eyes were almost closed he whispered:

"I promise we'll run away."

He kissed me one last time.

"Together."


End file.
